Finding Joy in…Gaining Confidence in 10 steps.

Hello! It’s been a few weeks since I have written anything. Sometimes you just need a little break. I knew if i wrote it wouldn’t be sincere and I would totally be BS-ing it, and that just isn’t me! So now that I feel i’ve given my brain a break I am back!


It’s something we all (male and female) strive for. I wish I could tell you all that I have achieved full capacity on the confidence level, but that just isn’t the case. Confidence is something that goes away just as fast as it comes. We can be confident in one area and not confident in another. Maybe you think you have a stellar sense of humor but you wish you could have more in depth conversations with people. Maybe you feel like you are the best friend anybody could ask for, but you wish you loved what you saw in the mirror. Or maybe you have an amazing relationship with a significant other but you wish you were more successful in your career. Wherever you are struggling these are some steps I have taken to achieve more confidence and believe it or not they WORK. But like anything it takes time and practice.


  1. Affirm Thy Self: I have mentioned this before but every day at 10:15am my alarm goes off on my phone and it reads. “I AM BEAUTIFUL. I AM CONFIDENT. I AM STRONG.” Then again at 5:00pm my phone alerts me that “I AM KIND, I AM INTENTIONAL. I AM A LEADER. I AM A SERVANT”  I have had these alarms go off every day for quite some time now. Every time they go off I stop for 10 seconds and say them to myself. No matter what I am doing I tell that to myself.  And you know what…. I BELIEVE THEM! Our minds are so powerful. If we tell ourselves something enough our brain begins to believe it!  Affirmation is huge! If you can’t affirm yourself than it’s more difficult to accept affirmation from others.
  2. Admire Someone Else’s Beauty Without Questioning Your Own: Comparison is the thief of all joy. The minute you begin comparing yourself is the minute you start doubting your own potential. I will be honest with you, this one is the one I struggle with the most. Something I have to tell myself over and over again is that I am on my OWN journey. I can’t compare my beginning to somebody’s middle. We are all dealing with insecurities. The girl you see on Instagram whose body you envy has her own insecurities. The friend who has an amazing job you wish you had has their own insecurities.  Appreciate where you are at in your own journey. I have a bracelet I wear every day that says ‘Enjoy the Journey’ just to remind myself of this.
  3. Smile More: this is so cliche and I hate cheesy stuff but honestly it’s true. Do you know how POWERFUL a smile is?! Think about the last time a stranger just randomly smiled at you….Exactly. It’s hard to think about a time someone just genuinely smiled at you which is why a smile is so powerful. You can brighten somebody’s day immediately with a smile! Plus you look a lot happier and confident when you’re smiling. Which brings me to my next point….
  4. Look the part: It makes me so sad to see girls with their backs hunched over, hair completely covering their faces, and drowning in baggy clothes. You may not ‘feel’ confident but you can always LOOK confident. Stand tall, wear something that makes you feel unstoppable, put on some red lipstick and own the day. When you feel like you look good chances are you probably do look really good! Who watches Grey’s Anatomy??? Remember the part where Amelia does the “wonder woman stance” before performing surgery? That sh** works. Here’s how you do it….Not feeling confident? Stand up, Fist on your hips, Chest up, Head up, (look into distance for a dramatic effect.) now hold this pose for 30 seconds. You’ll feel good afterwards I promise.
  5. Be a goal setter:  Goals are huge. They give you something to work for. It’s cool when you get to tell people that you’re busy working on yourself by achieving a new goal. The cool thing about goals are they come in different sizes. You can set big and small goals. Maybe you want to run a marathon? That’s a big goal. Maybe you want to just make it to the gym 3x a week, thats a small goal. Both are GREAT! TIP: Only set 1-2 goals at a time. When you have too many goals going at once you aren’t able to fully devote yourself to them. In the end the results will be mediocre instead of fantastic.
  6. You’re in charge of your own day: Did you know that you can have a good day ALL THE TIME. You just have to tell yourself that you’re going to. This goes back to the whole “your brain will believe what you tell it.”If you tell yourself today’s gonna suck, then today is 100% going to suck. I’d like to make reference to my home girl Miley Cyrus… “Life’s what you make it, so let’s make it rock.”
  7. If it’s not a hell yes, then it’s a hell no. One of my best friends Ashley and I ask each other this when we are dating a guy, “Is he a hell yes?” Because if you don’t feel excited and good about the person you’re seeing then stop wasting yours and their time! Life is too short to be in a bad relationship. But this doesn’t just apply to dating. If you aren’t 100% feeling something, Maybe it’s a job, a friend, a pair of shoes and you have that gut feeling of “oooooh I don’t know how I feel about this.” Then it isn’t for you! Easy.
  8. REMOVE THE HATERS: This is vital. VI-TAL. I’ll keep it short. Remove the people who are negative. The people who tell you “you can’t”. The people who make you feel depressed just because they are sad about their own lives. You don’t need the negative energy. “But McKenzie I don’t want to be rude.” I’m not telling you to just say ‘Bye Felicia’. But maybe stop spending so much time with the people who bring you down or keep you from accomplishing your goals and dreams.
  9. Embrace the struggle: Ugh… man life is hard. I know this first hand. Our 20’s are a time where we may hop from job to job. Sell our favorite purse just to make rent in time. Eat ramen noodles 4 nights in a row. But those times of struggle are what create humility and character in us. I am SO excited for when i’m in my 30’s, thriving in life, looking back at my 20’s and saying “I am so thankful I had those moments of struggle, because they brought me to where I am today.”
  10. Be Thankful. We truly do not understand how good we have it. People everywhere are struggling in ways you couldn’t imagine. Be thankful! When you’re praying don’t dive into what you want God to give you, start off with all you are thankful for. You will be surprised how much you have to be thankful for.


Well there you have it! I’m positive you will feel much more confident after following these steps for a month. Keep a journal of how you feel after all of this. I think you will notice a big change in your life.

Today I am choosing to find joy in…
  1. The fact that confidence can come into my life easily, i just have to allow it.
  2. The fact that I don’t find my worth/confidence in the way I look or how much money I have but rather in who I am as an actual human being.

“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Ps 37:4

One Comment Add yours

  1. conqueringourdemons says:

    Yeah! REMOVE THE HATERS! This is a guide on How to deal with the haters if you can’t get rid of them

    Liked by 1 person

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