Finding Joy in Singleness
This past weekend I went to my very best friends wedding in North Carolina. I spent the weekend also traveling with our other best friend. The wedding was PERFECT. Everything went so smoothly and we all had an incredible time together. As a single woman approaching my mid twenties naturally weddings bring out that feeling of, “Dang, being single sucks!”
Together My Friend and I spent a lot of time talking about what a God honoring relationship truly looks like and what being a Christian single should consist of. (I encourage all of the single women out there to have a friend in your life who is a firm believer to go to, to have pray for you, to discuss your faith with, and that’s also single because us girls gotta stick together.)
We expressed our frustrations with one another on how difficult it truly is to find a God honoring man who doesn’t make us want to pull our hair out.
We both agreed that if we could create our own husband he would be a strong Christian man, that looks good, makes us laugh, likes to workouts, and works hard. To us that would be the epitome of perfection but there’s so much more that goes into it than just those few traits. What does a strong Christian man look like? I’ve heard time and time again from my girlfriends saying, “He believes in God! So he’s good!” Or “He grew up catholic so he’s okay for me to date.” Sorry sweetie, that’s not true.
Think about it!!! Is just believing there is a God really going to be enough in the long run? Even Satan believes in God. And because this man your dating was introduced to faith at a young age does not mean he’s a true follower of Christ who can lead you and your future family.
Ladies: There are questions you need to ask yourself and prayers that need to be prayed before diving into a relationship with a luke-warm Christian. You will get hurt. You won’t get what you want. And you WILL be disappointed. When a Christian woman doesn’t recognize her own value, then her standards go down. Once a woman realizes that she is worth a man that pursues her, treats her with respect, and has a true relationship with the Heavenly Father is when she will start to see God’s abundant blessings. I heard a pastor once say” There is a difference between a standard and a preference. When you don’t know your value your preference could be making you settle.”
Finding a funny guy who treats you well is a dime a dozen. But finding a man who has a devoted relationship with God is rare. And you are a rare woman. You are not just any girl. As a Christian woman you need to hold yourself to a higher standard. Which means your dating standards are just as high. When you settle for less than the best that is only saying that you view yourself as less than the best. CHANGE THAT!
So many times women are caught up in the idea of: I MUST GET MARRIED!!!! SINGLENESS IS THE WORST!
The minute you start to view singleness as a prison is when you will view marriage as a rescuer. And when you are desperate to find somebody to settle down with is when your standards become unimportant or pushed aside.
I get it. I have been there. There are times when I see all these couples and I just have to ask God, “WHY HAVEN’T I FOUND SOMEBODY YET?!” If I hear the question: “How are you still single?” One more time i’ll blow. So here is my answer: I heard a family friend once tell me, “I’ve never met a man that loves his wife more than your father loved your mother.” So from the get go my standards have been high because I had an amazing example of a what a loving husband should be through my dad. And the other reasons I am single still is because I have yet to find the man who sweeps me off my feet in more ways than one. I have yet to find a man who challenges me to grow closer to God, I have yet to find a man who makes me want to be a better person, and I have yet to find a man who leads me in a pure and Godly relationship.
It’s that simple. So thinking back on my conversations this last weekend here are qualities and STANDARDS I believe that every Christian woman should have when dating:
1.He has an active relationship with God. Active means that he is daily spending time with Jesus, going to church weekly, and actively pursuing Christ. Yes I get it. There are days when sitting down for a devotion is hard and we miss a day or two. But if he is truly and actively working on his faith that is what will separate him from other men. This is so important.
2.He values your time. I have had this happen to me and I hear it from women everywhere. The man that keeps you on a leash by never defining the relationship. He drags you along with a false hope. He says things like, “I just don’t like labels” or “I’m just not ready for a girlfriend right now.” To which you say, BOY BYE! Do not let him waste your time because while you are hung up over this boy trying to figure out himself you could be missing out on the man that is sure of himself and is willing to pursue you and make you his girlfriend.
3. He pursues YOU. I know we live in 2018 and women can do anything but men are bred for pursuing. By nature men are hunters and providers. From the beginning of our human existence men have been the pursuer because even the sperm goes to find the egg. Not the other way around… (LOL I know that’s probably too much but it made a good point). Ladies, don’t be cold, don’t play games, and don’t ignore him completely. But rather allow him to pursue you, make the dates, and work for your attention.
4. He is a leader in all areas of his life.I don’t know about you ladies but I have a very big personality. I have been in relationships where the man allowed me to take the drivers side and it set us up for disaster. (No puns about my driving please.) The frustration was that I wanted him to lead me so badly. But once I had the steering wheel it was hard to just give it back to him mid-drive. When a man is actively pursuing Christ he is allowing Christ to lead him. How can a man lead a family or a woman if he isn’t being lead by something greater than himself?
5. He leads in purity….. Ohhhhhh she went there. This is hard. And an uncomfortable topic for me. So imma keep it short. But a man who leads in purity is different than a man who agrees to the decision YOU made to stay pure. Think about that… Ladies, how attractive is a man who recognizes the value of sex inside of a marriage? Compare that to a man who is just okay waiting because you said you wanted to or a man who doesn’t wait and pressures you into it. Women are just as human as men. We both need to hold each other accountable but a man who LEADS is a man worth finding.
I am not perfect, as I mention in all my blog posts. I have fallen victim to lowering my standards because I thought a man would be the one. I have pushed aside my own faith and beliefs for a man. I have compromised what I know to be true when searching for a husband. But I am actively working on myself and working on achieving a God honoring relationship. I am enjoying my singleness and excited for the joys that God will bring into my life one day with a husband. But until then I am going to work on not settling until I find a man with all of the above qualities.
Those are what standards I think a Christian woman should have when finding her husband.
And tune in next week to read my top 5 standards all Christian men should have when finding their wives.
This week I chose to find joy in…
#1. That God already has my husband picked out. I just need to focus on me and keep working on myself until he shows up.
#2. The choices I make today will effect my marriage tomorrow.
#3. That there ARE good Christian men out there. All hope is not lost.