(So honored I Get to pray over these women at my Faith and Fitness events)
So I came to the library to study for a Corrective Exercise Certification I’m in the process of receiving. But, because I’m McKenzie and my brain goes in about 150 different directions I quickly remembered that I had yet to write about this particular blog topic. Two weeks ago I wrote about what standards Christian women should have when searching for a husband. So now it’s time to turn the tables and talk to the boys.
Now, this one is a bit more difficult for me to write because I am a woman. I am not searching for a Godly wife. I don’t actually know what men want (although sometimes I like to think I do.) But lucky for us (me) the Bible paints a very descriptive picture of what an actual Christian wife/woman should look like.
Now I know what you are thinking. “Here it comes….Proverbs 31. Blah blah blah.” And before you just assume that I’m going to go straight to that verse (which I am) I would like to point out that there is more to a Godly woman that just the typical Proverbs 31 woman characteristics. Just look at women like Ruth or Rachel from the Bible. And to be honest the Proverbs 31 chapter doesn’t EXACTLY pertain to todays society. I mean this was written thousands of years ago. So how can it actually relate to us today?
(Some of the most amazing Godly women I know)
Here’s a list of all the qualities a Christian woman should be as told by Proverbs 31:
4. Brings good to her husband
5. Selects wool and flax
6. Works with her hands
7. Rises while it’s still night and provides food for the family
8. Buys fields
9. Plants a vineyard
10. Watches over affairs of their household
11. Works hard
12. She’s strong
13. Her trading is profitable
14. Her lamp doesn’t go out
15. She spins wool
16. Opens her arms and heart to the poor
17. Ensures her family is warm
18. She fears the lord
19. Is not idle
20. Speaks with wisdom
21. Makes covering for her bed
22. Is clothed in fine linen and purple
23. As well as strength and dignity
24. Laughs at the days to come
Dang, this girl has got it going on. And to be honest i’m intimidated. She seems perfect. Too good to be true. The kind of girl you hate just because she’s so great and wonderful. How are women in todays society ever supposed to live up to these qualities? On top of all of these we are now “required” by society to:
– stand for our beliefs (The feminist/ #metoo/ #timesup movement.)
– Stay on top of all our social media accounts
– Have babies… lots of babies and wear heels while raising them.
– Have a job
– Be a professional chef
– Have the perfect spray tan
– Get our nails done 2x a month
– Get a degree
– Go to the gym…but not get “too buff”.
– And have a social life.
IT’S EXHAUSTING BEING A WOMAN!! And we’re all just here trying to be THE woman for a particular man who may or may not notice us and all the hard work we are putting in to being this great Godly woman.
So Men. You have a big decision to make when finding your wife. You really want her to have these qualities but it’s honestly so hard because beautiful women are a dime a dozen but a Godly woman is a rare gem. You know that the woman you end up marrying is going to be the woman you spend forever with. So let’s go back to Proverbs 31 (the qualities that ACTUALLY matter) and pick out which ones we need at the top of our list.
1.Virtuous, Noble, and trustworthy. There’s a big reason why these are at the top of the list. Virtuous means having morals….. did you catch that? HAVING MORALS. Geez this is hard. Because finding a woman who sets herself apart by valuing her morals seems impossible. I’m not hating on women. In fact I’ve fallen short to this myself at times. But there’s a difference between a woman who has her OWN morals and sticks to them than a woman who just values good behavior. What are morals you should look for? Well for one, she wants a Christian man in her life. Another would be Purity (you define this however you want, purity can be of her heart, her body, her mind etc.) Another good moral is honesty. I know so many girls who lie to their husbands or boyfriends over petty things. Or they talk disrespectfully about their husbands behind their backs. This carries us over into TRUSTWORTHINESS. A woman who lies to you or starts fights is not a woman you want. Nobility. This one really gets to me. I have a big problem with women who act like gross men…. let me rephrase this. Find a woman who does not curse loudly in public. A woman who doesn’t let her ‘girls night out’ become a drunken display of chaos. A woman who can look her absolute best without having to show her whole chest and booty. A woman who won’t yell at you or disrespect you in public. A woman who won’t flirt with other men in front of you. This is all just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to what a NOBLE woman truly looks like.
2.Works hard. This category is summed up in numbers 4-14. Okay maybe she isn’t picking flax and wool on the daily. And maybe it’s been a while since she has bought a field and planted a vineyard. But whatever it is that she IS doing. She is doing it with all of her heart. She is working hard at her job, her relationships, her health, her mind, her faith. She is STRONG! She is wise with her spending (and if she’s like me she knows she just needs to avoid Nordstrom’s at all costs). She goes the extra mile to make some cash. She plans and organizes. Many people view the perfect wife as a “secretary” or a “personal assistant” but a good Christian woman should be much more than that to a man. She should be the CEO. His right hand woman. She helps make wise decisions. She delegates tasks, she processes, analyzes, and works out problems. She doesn’t just serve you sandwiches on a silver plater and give you a pat on the back. This woman is a hustler; in life, in love, in faith, in work. She can’t stop. Won’t stop.
3.She has a loving heart. Next time you take a girl out notice the way she treats others. How does she treat the waitress or waiter at the restaurant? How does she talk about her friends? How does she talk about other women around her? Women can be catty. They can be gossipers, they can be down right nasty. You do not want a woman who has nothing nice to say about others or who treats others with disrespect. It is a sign of insecurity. Find the woman that says hello to everyone. The woman who ask people how they are doing. The woman who tithes her money or donates her time. The woman who helps the needy. The woman who opens her home to others. The woman who cares for her family and friends and always puts others before herself.
4.She takes care of herself. This is what I think the verse means when it says, “Is clothed in fine linens and purple.” Something that breaks my heart is when I hear a woman say, “Finally I’m married, now I can get fat!” Maybe it’s because I’m a personal trainer. But that shows me that the woman doesn’t care. Let’s be honest. Men are visual. They need something pretty and shiny to look at. Something I always loved about my mom is that no matter the day, even if she was just running errands, she always made sure to look her best for my dad. That didn’t mean she wore a designer dress and high heels each day. That didn’t mean she was injected with Botox and got fake body parts (although there’s nothing wrong with that to a point.) But she showered, did her hair, and put on her lipstick each day. It made her feel better and my dad appreciated it. My mom put in the effort to exercise and eat right as well. It’s okay if you gain a few pounds after marriage. But when you let those 5-10 lbs become 30-40 real quick it’s a lack of discipline and a lack of respect to your husband ( at least I believe so) and I know some women will be saying, “MY MAN SHOULD LOVE ME NO MATTER WHAT!” You’re right he should. When you’re 9 months pregnant and can’t see your toes, he WILL still love you. When you got a bad case of food poisoning and haven’t seen sunlight in 5 days he WILL still love you. When you have been working your butt off to help provide for the family and haven’t gotten to shave your legs for a while he WILL still love you. But when you just blatantly get lazy and let yourself go he will still love you yes, but he might not want you as much as he did in the beginning. Find a woman who gets excited to wear a new dress for you. A woman who goes to the gym, who eats healthy, and brushes her hair!
5.FEARS THE LORD AND LOVES HIM WITH ALL HER HEART! This is the biggest one. A woman who fears the Lord is worthy to be praised. She study’s the Word, she gets plugged in a church, she seeks council form older and wiser Christian women, she refers to the Word when dealing with conflict. She prays for you…oh Lord this is crucial. FIND A WOMAN WHO PRAYS FOR YOU! She respects and honors you. She talks to you about Jesus. She shares Bible verses with you. Find THAT woman.
I hope this helped all of the men reading this narrow down in their hearts what really matters to them. And maybe I have this all wrong, because like I said I’m not a man…. But I search for these qualities in my friends as well. I’ve seen these qualities in my mother, my grandma, my aunts, and many other women I look up to. Maybe you want a girl who’ll go hiking with you, or makes you laugh, or cooks great food. Which is all PERFECTLY OKAY. But don’t let those little details trump the important ones. This woman will be raising your children one day. Find the woman you trust with that responsibility.
Today I am choosing to find joy in…
1. The fact the Bible has these qualities written down for me. And that although I am not perfect and although I sin God still can work through me to be a good wife for a man someday.
2. That there are men out there seeking this type of woman, so it only makes me want to be on my A game.
3. That there are women out there who have these qualities. There are also women out there who have paved the way for the rest of us to follow in their foot steps.